So, what should you do when no one understands you, when no one can bear the pain you feel? You have to let it out in one way or the other. No matter what you do, who you are and what you are going through, only you can understand its gravity. Your life is nothing more than a story to others.
It has been over a month that I have not slept properly. I sleep for a few minutes and wake up to find myself hyperventilating. Just to keep sane I use my phone to start typing notes whenever I feel sad. Yes I admit that I am depressed about loosing her. I lost my dearest sister. No she is not my sister by blood yet she cared about me just like a sister cares for her brother. She was family. From talking to each other everyday for hours to sharing secrets. We knew everything about each other. We had come a long way. The Brother-Sister bonding we had was too strong to break. Well, that’s what I thought.
Like any other brothers and sisters, We too had fights and misunderstandings. So one day just over a chat due to a misunderstanding she blocked me from all her social media accounts. I was both hurt and surprised by her move, this was the first time she had done this. Out of fear I texted my closest friends. I kept telling myself that it was just a temporary roadblock. I cried myself to sleep staring at my phone hoping that she would tell me – I still love you bhai, you don’t need to worry.
“These shallow waters never met what I needed,
I’m letting go, a deeper dive
Eternal silence of the sea
I’m breathing, alive”
I have this bad habit of never deleting chats. I have her chats with me right from the first day when we got to know each other to this day. Restless as I had been I made a travel back in time when things were not so hazy and unpredictable. I sat and stared at those chats. Remembered everything she had promised me over the year. Still wondering what made her take such a decision. I knew she always cared, she was always by my side. Had she given up on me?
After a few days, my phone vibrated flashing her name. Received a series of texts from her
“Bhai please don’t tell people about what happened to me and why we don’t speak”
“I want you to not speak to me”
“I want you to stay away from my life now”
“I don’t need you in my life now”
After recieving these text I went numb for some time. My world sank in spaces around me. I completely lost control of myself, I kept texting her, trying to convince her that everything was just a misunderstanding. She was adamant. I was not stone enough to just give up on a relation I had nurtured over a long period. A bit of pain and restlessness was here to stay.
Afraid of loosing yet another loved one I texted:
” I know you won’t break the bonding that we have over small misunderstandings and fights. I know you won’t leave. I know you won’t break your Promises”
“I’m Sorry for those Promises”. she replied.
This was the final nail in the coffin. I knew it was all over now. Damn! I didn’t even know why this was happening. But I could do nothing about it.
“Where are you now?
Where are you now?
Where are you now?
Was it all in my fantasy?
Where are you now?
Were you only imaginary?”
“No reasons, No answers, No explanations”
Today, According to me, Love is selective. You only love if you benefit from it. People who keep talking about Trust all the time might eventually break it, but a person who you never thought would stand up for you would give his life for it. Yet most of us are stuck on the line:
“I did so much for him / her yet…….? “
You need to understand that love is not an investment where you need to get back your share of the profit. Ask yourself that Did it make you happy back then?
Ask yourself that Can you change anything about it?
Understand that everyone on this godamn earth has the right to choose what they want and when they want irrespective of whether that change will hurt or destroy someone else.
“If something or someone is really worth it, they will never leave you in the first place, come what may”
You can probably never get over someone completely, that would be just theoretical. If you really want to get over someone beautiful, go out and look at even more beautiful things out there in the world. I can assure you, not everyone out there wants to hurt or cheat on you. There are still a lot of good people out there who would love to hear you cry your heart out.
“Most importantly, be the bigger person, forgive the person who hurt you. Forgive them for their betrayals and decisions, be someone who is spectacularly awesome by himself even if you shed a tear from time to time”
1. Disclaimer: The above story is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, events, locales, and incidents if used are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.
2. Lyrics used: Faded